i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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