When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
