How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
