Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just googled if crying burns calories
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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