WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
