We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
