he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
