Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
