i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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