please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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