u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
