Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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