He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
