Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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