What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
