happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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