she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
