I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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