TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
