Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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