its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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