Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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