can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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