hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
