Someone shit on the floor
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
