OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
