this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
two words: eviction party
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
