remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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