I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
