My cat gives me a boner
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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