I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Are we still banned from the library?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
