i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
