Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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