I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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