i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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