If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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