Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
