Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My friends, they love my intelligence
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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