so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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