You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
