Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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