he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The feeling are messing with the penis
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
