my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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