What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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