Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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