this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
