I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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