you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
