I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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