I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ketchup is God's man juice
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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