i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
