You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
two words: eviction party
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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