Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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