my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
