It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
