omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
