nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need a beard to bite.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
